My 6 year old is headed off to Grade 1 next year. Grade 1 might mean talk about sex. Yes, it does happen that early for some children. I've seen it firsthand in other kids I know.
With this in mind I recently found a great book: The New Speaking of Sex: What Your Children Need to Know and When They Need to Know it. It's a really easy read. The author treats the topic as body science, not sex education. Phrased this way, I see it as something all children should be learning about at an early age. I'm not saying my 3 year old *needs* to know the mechanics of sperm delivery but she should know that she has a vulva covering 2 openings: urethra and vagina and one opening for poop: her anus. The author breaks the book down into different ages (ie. the "When they need to know it" part) so you can figure out how much information might be enough or too much, depending on how old your child is.
A good reason to start talking to your children about sex is that informed, educated children are less likely to become victims of sexual abuse. The author states that sexual predators know that children learn scientific names for body parts from concerned, involved parents. Children who use correct language are shown to have open relationships with adults and will speak freely about sex/sexual encounters. These children are not good vicitims for predators because these children will report the abusive encounter to their parents/the authorities.
As an example of the importance of open communication and the need for parents to remain non-judgemental, the author also shares the following anecdote:
"A mother phoned me in tears one autumn day. She had just discovered that her seven-year-old son had been abused that summer by a 12-year-old boy who lived in their neighborhood. When she asked her son why he had not told her at the time, he said, "I tried to tell you, Mom. Remember that day I asked you if guys put their wieners in other guys' bums? You said that only dirty men did that, and I didn't want you to think that I was dirty." The only way the mother did find out about the abuse was because her son contracted an infection as a result of it.
My children haven't asked any questions about sex yet but what I've learned is that lots of children never ask questions about sex. So I look for teachable moments. I noticed my son's underwear leaving a mark around his waist indicating they were too tight and that segued into a conversation about properly fitting underwear and healthy testicles. Whatever works.
So teach your children about sex or body science or whatever you want to call it but do it. And use whatever you need to, to make the conversation more comfortable. I use an old Human Anatomy textbook left over from my University days when we talk about this stuff. I find it engages my 6 year old more if he can see pictures. I also have a copy of Where Did I Come From? that my mom used to teach me about sex. If you haven't seen it, it's very cute. It does the trick – it covers intercourse and the birth of a baby. Here are some websites that you may also find helpful:
Athena's Mind 
The Menagerie » She’s right said
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KH said
I “discovered” the book Where Did I Come From in a neighbour’s house while my sister was babysitting there and I was visiting. I think I was about 11. My parents hadn’t talked to me about sex up till then, and they never really did. My dad tried when I was 16 when he found a condom in my wallet, but at that point I told him I had it all covered. LOL.
goddess said
16? wow. At least he tried then. After I got the book (I was in Grade 1 or 2), it became “that which we shall never speak of again”. I think I learned about tampons and pads from the package directions…I of course, am vowing to try and avoid that deep dark silence.
And speaking of condoms…
One point that the author in this book I’m raving about makes, is that kids need to be told about condoms because some of the younger kids are finding used ones in parks, picking them up and thinking they are…yes, you guessed it, balloons! They need to be aware of what they are so they know not to touch them.
Marj (aka Thriver) said
Thank you so much for posting this. Recently, I was appauled when I discovered I was the only mother of a third grader at my son’s school who bothered to sign us up for a KidPower program there. Not one other third grader came and learned some tools for how to stay safe. Thanks for raising much-needed awareness.
Marj (aka Thriver) said
Hi, me again! Would you consider linking this post for a cyber event I’m hosting? It’s the blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. The details are at my blog. Thanks for considering!
April_optimist said
What a wonderful and important post! Yes, with my children I taught them early that they could say “no”–to ANYONE! They could tell grandma or grandpa or anyone that they didn’t want a hug or a kiss or a touch.
I suspect many parents think it can never happen to their children or they don’t want to scare their children. But children need to have enough knowledge to protect themselves.
Athena’s Mind » Talking to your children about sex - specifically….Periods. said
[…] I mentioned here that my children don’t really ask questions about sex/body science. That’s okay. It does however, make it a challenge for me to broach the subject. Imagine then, my delight when my son asked what the machine on the wall of the ladies bathroom was! I should clarify that we were in the ladies bathroom because my 3 yo daughter had to pee and I can’t leave my 6 yo alone. Rather than get into the tampon/pad machine explanation right there and then, I asked if I could explain it to him when we got in the van. He agreed. […]